Wednesday, 5 August 2009

Now I am worried


OK, so I stopped blogging for a bit when I suffered a loss of confidence, but today something happened that made me realise I had to stop worrying about how people interpret what you say and what you do, I stepped back and took a deep breath.

Six weeks ago I applied to go on the Fourth Plinth in Trafalgar Square, the interactive work initiated by artist Antony Gormley that he has called a "a living monument to humanity". Most people will know him for "The Angel of the North" or "Another Place" on Crosby beach. He is a master of accessible modern art.

I never expected to be selected, but the idea of "performing " has always been dear to me, my first dream job, at 5, was a bunny girl, by 16 I was already planning on being an opera singer, but life, parental input and sheer terror made me step back from the fantasy. It has lurked, deep inside though for years. To be on stage, judged only for what you perform, not who you are, to step forward into the dazzle of the proscenium arch and take a bow to a packed auditorium (saved from stage fright by the fact you are blind as a bat and can see no one) has been something I have often dreamt of.

It is now, officially, a nightmare. My name has come up. I am on the plinth. If I can do that, I can write a blog, no more excuses. After all, they say it's not over until the fat lady sings.


I'm off to practice my scales.

PS. So far reactions have been hugely positive from friends real and virtual, the Twitter band have been generous with encouragement.
Less affirmative from other quarters. The children "God, Mum, you are sooooo embarrassing" which was expected. My Mother "Oh, well you always were a bit of a show off"

13 comments:

So Lovely said...

My love, I can't wait. You will be truly amazing. You are one of the funniest and most interesting people I "know" on the T. I admire how open you are about the way you feel. Who cares if other people object, you are allowed your own opinion. xx

Motherhood The Final Frontier said...

SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!!!
I can't believe what your mother said. How incredibly damaging. No wonder you were afraid to live out your dreams. I am very glad you are embracing them now and I will be there to cheer you on. Painter, writer, singer. Will you be dancing, too? Obviously multitalented!
I think it is marvelous and wonderful that you are going for it. Better to regret all the things you have done in life, not the things you have NOT done.
Hurrah!

FlossieT said...

You should take enormous posters of your children up with you and embarrass them TO THE MAX (writes someone whose kids put their hands over their ears when she sings...). Have a fantastic time - can't wait to see what you do!When are you on?

Red Shoes said...

Oh, just fantastic! I'm so thrilled for you. Pah! on your mom's statement. Sounds like something said by one who has never lived any of their own dreams.

justme said...

Its going to be SOOOOOO good! And I shall definately be there, waiting to ply you with alcohol after!

weasel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The City Road said...

Firstly, how very excellent, I look forward to it. Maybe more importantly in the long run, glad you're writing again - sometimes, just sometimes, 140 characters isn't enough.

The Nag said...

Holy shit!

Mrs Trefusis... said...

Brilliant. I don't work that far away. let me know when you're on and I'll come and tweet you. xx

fran39 said...

Brilliant! Now the question is WHEN so that I can be there to appluad, cheer, and generally rain complements...

Titian red said...

Thank you all so much for the positive comments. Greatly appreciated.
My tottering moment of fame (or infamy depending on how it goes) is from 7pm until 8pm on Thursday 17th September.
As for what I am doing, I have ideas, but have to think them through to see if it will work. I can promise you there will be no singing, bellydancing, paperplanes or nakedness. Promise !

katyboo1 said...

I know I am so late. i am having a nightmare catching up with bloggers I love, but just to say. Wow! How cool are you? I saw some people doing their thang on their last week and was utterly full of admiration. You are brill.x

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