I have checked with Trading Standards and feel I should let you know that although the statements below are honest they are not necessarily entertaining or interesting - sorry, it all rather depends on personal interpretation ................
Long pause for thought............................
1. I am still in denial about being 50, and it's only 9 weeks until I am the age that dare not speak its name
2. I first started on the internet on MySpace with the alter ego of a 23 year old (long, long story which I may admit to one day) and yes, thank you, I do realise that is the sort of thing the Daily Mail writes headlines about.
3. I was outed because I knew too much about the Clangers....... but actually I don't care.
4. I have a passion for Italian art, film, food and shoes - finding the language bit more of a struggle. (In fact if anyone needs input on C17 Jesuit Iconography I'm your man.)
5. I broke my back when the horse I was riding and I went in opposite directions (he thought a paper bag at the bottom of the hedge was a tiger) The good thing about the accident was it did give me a chance to develop a lifetime aversion to daytime television (Neighbours is on in the early evening)
6. I love singing but can never remember lyrics or titles so spend a lot of time annoying people going " you know, it goes la laaa la dada". At least you get a score for classical stuff.
7. I am Edward Nortons paramour - oh hang on....... that isn't true.
7b. My favourite television programmes when I was a child included The Pogles, The Clangers, Noggin the Nog, Captain Pugwash and Robinson Crusoe but The Owl Service scared me so much I still haven't read the book.
8. I "wore" a prawn on the front of my wedding dress for most of our reception (It was in the days when a buffet would be decorated with prawns still in their coats, and its legs had got caught in my lace bodice) When confronted the silent one said he "thought it was meant to be there" !
9. I adore my children but I am already saving for the therapy I fear they will need.
10. I am finally going to get staples in my midriff .... well not exactly, but my photograph is going to be in the next issue of "You and Your Wedding" - I even had to sign a model release form !! Another long story relating to low self esteem, a love of burlesque and an amazing photo studio which I will post one day, but just wanted to have a little boast, out loud, in public....
So after last weeks' "claiming of Wednesday", circumstances took against me, and I had today off, spent driving through wet fog on the M62, surrounded by white vans and silver cars, none of whom felt a need to turn on headlights.........aaarghhh.... Consequently I am nursing a filthy headache - worse even than the red wine headache of Tuesday evening. (All sympathy will be gratefully received)
Girlchild has just disappeared off to practice being a wage slave (cashout at Sainsburys) and she, too, is woebegone and hypochondriacal (there is a possibility this is genetic). Today's worries include "being sooooooo tired", "yes, well, you're seventeen, it goes with the territory" and her "wrist hurts", "probably RSI from all your texting". I was treated to a basilisk stare and a "humph" as she left the room.
I suspect I have blown my chances of goodies from the discounted cake trolley.
I was going to go to see "Valkyrie" this evening, inspite of Tom and because of Eddie, but my bum feels so happy to be back on its sofa I have decided tonight will be "Hellboy II" night courtesy the lovely box on the top of the television - God, I love this technology thing, although it can make me slightly paranoid. You select a film, it tells you how much, you hit the button that says "yea, fine, whatever" and then it asks you if you are sure you want to watch it. Even the Digibox questions my taste in entertainment ?!
Oh, and today's dog exploit - he returned to the ever popular "I shall get all of the newspapers you didn't read because you went to sleep underneath them pile, and shred them to make a pleasing papier mache opportunity" and he wasn't even alone and doing it from boredom. Next time I shall get a dog that can read......muchsimpler, he can entertain himself.
As I said earlier, Wednesdays are mine, and today was a corker. The virtuous making elements were better than expected, paying in 2 cheques, liberating funds from the education fund (Apparently you just can't do photography without an Apple Mac) and returning a pair of shoes that were so expensive they had made my eyes water. The only problem was that with a 4 1/2" heel and a smidgeon too small (even though I bought my size) wearing them made my eyes water too. At least I had the pleasure of owning them and crooning to them for a few short days. Thank you Net a Porter xx.
So, anyway, today, coffee with a friend this morning, and the world was firmly put to rights (you can all sleep easy in your beds now !). A visitette to a bookshop where I did indulge in a couple of the books LucyF has flagged up on her sidebar. Lunch with a friend, a brief shop with daughter ( a very determined** 17 year old) during which no blood was spilt, and then......... afternoon tea at Bettys (best of all it was free - thanks Mum ) with a chum who lifts the heart. Oh, it was amazing - little cakes on twiddly stands, scones, teeny sandwiches, tea with strainers and hot water jugs, I was all ready to come home to Revolution Road ! Is it possible to be a lady who lunches and yet still an acceptable member of society ? Answers on no more than two sides of A4.
And now the day draws to a close, with a sin I am not sure I dare admit. Four episodes back to back of Neighbours........ I blame Boychild, as I started watching 20 years ago when on maternity leave. Determined to retain some semblance of grey matter, I would sit down and watch the News every afternoon. The problem was that weary, wide, pregnant arse found it very hard to stand up again, and there I was, hooked. My only defence is I don't do Corrie, Home and....., Hollyoaks or even 'Stenders, but happy, smiley, even if things go t*ts up you know that "it'll be right" Neighbours holds me in its thrall.
I am sooooo sorry.
** the translation of "determined" in this instance, is arsey, petulant, arrogant and fairly objectionable if thwarted. (She really is my daughter !)
Since eating the firelighters horrid hound does not seem to have suffered any ill effects, but I am slightly concerned he may have pyromaniac tendencies, or be trying for a re-enactment of the Bleak House immolation scene. He is painstakingly removing the bark from every log in the basket and eating it. (So far birch seems to be the out and out winner whilst apple is fiddly and pine obviously tastes funny) If only children were so easily entertained.
I yearn for my Wednesdays, every one is for me.... just me, no housework, plastic food for supper and only enough of the "have to" stuff to make me feel virtuous (or clear sufficient paperwork off the dining room table to eat at it !) Today, rather than disembowel my handbag, which is way too scary I shall itemise the table contents (you knew there was a reason you read this blog didn't you ?)
A large plant - indeterminate variety, seeming to exist solely to feed kittens. Daughters hideously expensive camera perched precariously near the edge. Another I camera I don't recognise at all 4 Christmas presents waiting to be wrapped and posted. Italian homework laid out such that I feel I'm doing it. 17 CDs none of which have a case 8 CD cases none of which have a CD A skirt I was making, that I got cross with but hasn't as yet been stashed under the spare bed. My last Amazon order ( Casanova, The Libertine and Love in the Time of Cholera) Several coat hangers My sons wash bag plus contents - he went back to Uni last Saturday and so far doesn't seem to have noticed it's missing.
Well I like a challenge !
(Please reassure me, there are others out there who make the collection of detritus a necessary part of being)
Far too long has passed since I last wrote, and not for want of excitement that deserved to be recorded (even if it didn't merit reading). The only excuse is sheer, darned laziness - I could blame Christmas, work and New Year, but hey, you all have that excuse,so truth will out.
A precis would have to include...
An Italian exam - now I can buy not only ice-cream and wine but high heeled red shoes (size 39) with confidence
A trip to Paris immediately before Christmas (fuelled with Diazepam as my brain had fallen out of my ears) which culminated in me singing Edith Piaf songs in a piano bar at 2am with a friend from school who I hadn't seen for 30 years ! (Way past my bedtime, and paid for in full the next day........... at what point did anyone else lose the capability to process alcohol ?)
Grief from the young who resented me running away (again...........said with much eye rolling), and the concomitant whinging
"but what about Christmas",
"how will we eat",
"why do you get to have fun?" - replies which may be useful for others in a similar situation included
"I'm back on the 23rd - last time I checked Christmas is the 25th"
"First you get food out of the freezer, then you cook it"
"Spending my money that otherwise I would have to spend on you"
(in actual fact I was detailed to buy my presents from the young whilst in Paris and mug them for the money on my return..... and they did remarkably well, Boychild got me a Paperblank diary, and Girlchild some purple suede gloves - well shopped children !)
Christmas went surprisingly well, I tend to view anything multigenerational, with expectations of pleasure attached as likely to implode messily, but apart from the mental stoicism required NOT to kill my sister ( new Louboutins) or her son (nutted my boy in the nether regions because he "likes the face Will pulls when I do it") I think I can cope with it all again this year.
And now... back at work, ducking germs our patients seem determined to share and plodding rather, thank God for other peoples blogs, books and a glass of red wine now and then, it seems a long haul until daylight ...........
Not as old in my head as I am in birthdays..... a lover of giggling, intensity, grunge, couture and other glorious and inexcusible contradictions.I love to sleep under the Sunday papers, to stroke amazing shoes, to eat good food and travel to see beautiful art. Yes, that does include Titian, the man who perfected the curved (nb. delicate euphemism) red head.
Husband of nearly 28 years - silent type, (maybe because he never gets a chance to say much, although I suspect it's just he's a silent type.)
Boychild - Nearly 22, at Uni doing something geeky (ie I don't understand it) and doing it so well he has just been offered an M.Eng. Recently joined the human race and rather good fun.
Girlchild - 20, we used to fight like cat and dog but are now at a state of wary neutrality. Also believes she owns my car - if you are reading this you don't ! Still pining desperately for life in the USA although recently Australia has entered the equation.
Assorted friends who I consider myself lucky to have.
Sister - Whiz kid, considerably younger than self who does not understand shoe envy.
Parents - Will only be mentioned if I am feeling very brave or very needy.
and yours truly
the product of chocolate, cocktails, Prozac and a vivid imagination ......" I was born to speak all mirth and no matter. ".... thank you Beatrice
However, in my head I am one of these charming ladies